Well, folks, I did a really poor job wrapping up my time in Brasil this summer. I had started this post before I left, and never completed and posted it.
So here I am, on a night I am really missing the country, its smog and all, reminiscing on the final weeks I had with some amazing people. Enjoying a beautiful wedding, sharing tears and hugs with my loved ones, and taking lots of pictures to capture the moments I was so desperately trying to live in as I anticipated my homecoming.
The Rundown of my last couple weeks:
- I got really sick and had the opportunity to see Brazil healthcare
- spent wonderful, crazy busy, awesome days with Jama, Chloe, Vanusa, and Everson
- sharing my testimony twice with members of a church that Jama teaches English and attends a Bible study at, which encouraged me more than I could have asked
- finishing my shopping up
- SLUMBER PARTY with one of my Bible studies at Ireni's house
- saying goodbyes to the kiddos from Agitas in Promorar, Vila Rosa and Sapopemba (I was downtown on Tuesday when we had Agita in Iguatemi)
- big time wedding prepping
- super hot weather
- packing...
- Restoration Ministries board flying in for meetings this week
- trying to catch up on internship assignments
- ordering textbooks for fall classes
- figuring out work schedule for when I return...was hard to get two weeks worth of shifts covered at Dixon, but all worked out!
- diving into 1 Corinthians with the RM team
- holding full conversations with Brazilians who don't speak any English (including the young lady working at Subway!)
- awesome long conversations with Kleberton (Binho), enjoying God's impecible timing...
It was a busy couple of weeks. I really cannot believe how fast time had flown by there.
And now I have been home for six weeks.
{{Pics at the end of this entry... there were a lot and I want you guys to read the meat of this entry, which I know is really long, but its all good stuff.
You can take coffee breaks (; }}
And now I have been home for six weeks.
Part of me was feeling a little guilty that I was content with my trip coming to a close, then the other part of me was reminded that this is a God thing. I came back because God left my heart hurting to return to do more work, and I followed His plan to have me right there.
I made my journey home so excited to bring back the things that I had learned, and not just down there but through the whole process of getting to Brazil, living in Brazil, working in a ministry, living as a Missionary, I am so excited to use these things in my relationships with family, friends, co-workers, etc.
Being home for six weeks now, I have had lots of opportunity to share the big things. I think its good if I write them down here too (though many/most of you have heard these same things many times...they just made such a heavy impact).
Many people have asked me what the most difficult part of my time living in Brasil was, and my answer is so much of it! The obvious things: brand new language, culture differences, digestion issues, exhaustion, temptation.
All of these things were difficult. But the stories, the stories are the meaty difficult things.
1. Let me begin with my money being stolen (to read this story, scroll to the bottom of the link). I went from feeling secure in at least one thing: my bank account. I mean, I had worked so hard to get all that support, fundraisers, letters, contacts.
This is just the beginning of why God opened my eyes.
I was secure in the money He provided, but not necessarily IN HIM.
It was Thursday that I found out that my money was all gone. By Sunday, I was being poked by the Holy Spirit to tithe the only 12$R ($6 US dollars) that I had, I sat there in church thinking, "What in the world, God! How could I give up the only money I have?? What will I possibly do?" and after listening to another worship song, during which I moved my money to my Bible...I continued to argue with God about it...finally saying, "Okay! Fine. It's yours." I tithed the only 12$R I had.
Monday morning, I remember that I had $20 US dollars left in one of my blue contribution envelopes. This was enough money for me to buy the groceries I needed for that week. And the next day, Tati told me the ministry would be loaning me some money to pay my rent and any additional expenses until the finances with my bank was figured out.
God's provision is so much greater than I can ever fathom.
He provided when I obeyed his commandment to love Him more than anything in this world, including my security in money.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
2. Where to start on this next one... Well, the challenge of leaving my family and close friends. The hardest times came around when my mom would drink and I would one way or another hear about it. The morning I read a text from my sister that said, "COME HOME NOW." I broke down in tears. Knowing that it wasn't my fault for my mom's seemingly peak of alcohol intake from once every week or two to every other night, but there was a correlation with me having just left to live in a dangerous country some thousands of miles away. I was scared. Scared for my sister who was hurting. Scared for my brothers, who also had to live with the embarrassing effects of the heavy alcohol use. And saddened that my mother, a woman I love so much, is feeling such a hurt, an ache, a throbbing pain, that she wants to numb it over and over again. And yet, here I am, so far away, with such an opportunity, with so much peace about being in Brasil for 3 months, and now feeling such agony for my loved ones.
The beautiful thing here, the Lord reminded me of His unfailing love and grace.
Despite how many times I mess up with 2 too many drinks in a night, or saying unloving words, or jealousy, or comparing myself, every single time God shows me His love and grace. How can I say I want to live for Him, yet not show those same things to those in my life? Including my enemies (the person who stole my money, or the bottle that damages relationships)?
It really set in with me that I am one of the only examples, if not the most prominent, in my family's life of who Jesus is/was and what a gracious God I live and work for not only in Brasil, but here at home too.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
3. I flew in to Portland on Tuesday the 25th where I was greeted by Heidi, her two sweet boys, Brennen and Cohen, and surprised by Miss Erin who was standing there with a sign asking me to be a part of her and Gabe's special wedding day next summer!
I then stayed up in the Molalla/Canby area until Friday, seeing family and catching myself back up to American culture, I guess. Friday I headed back down to Corvallis where I was greeted by my roommates and a thousand boxes and lots of luggage to be unpacked and organized. Overwhelmed was an understatement. That night I was able to spend time with all of my amazing supportive friends at the Corner House as I described what my trip was like, many of the same things I am talking about in here.
It was while I was home that the topic of graduate school came up, and I mentioned that I wanted to continue on for my Masters in Counseling. I really believe God is calling me to do work with families and for a while have seen graduate school as my only option. I had a mental breakdown, feeling like I came back knowing my next step but all of a sudden that wasn't so clear anymore.
Lord, what do you want me to do? Where do you want me to go? Why is this all so unclear all of a sudden?
For the past 5 years I have known basically what my next steps are going to be: after high school comes college, after summer 2011 came Brasil in December 2011, after Brasil 2011 came jumping through hoops and following the Lord's tug to go back for the summer of 2012...came back thinking I graduate in June 2013, then graduate school, so I will have like 2-3 more years before the real big world to figure the rest out, right??
Wrong.
Hold up.
*ring ring*
God calling.
"Hi Lacey."
"...Hi God. What do you want me to do here? I have drive, I know you have given me opportunities and resiliency and a heart to serve. But now my heart is torn, I'm worried about money and what all those graduate loans could do to my future family, about my 22 year old car dying soon, about moving, about all the applications and papers and such due in a couple months...God, give me an answer, PLEASE!"
"Lacey. Stop it. Here is my answer: Slow. Down."
"Oh."
So here I am, after meeting with a retired professor at PSU and a career counselor from OSU, I have made a confident decision to hold off on graduate school applications for a year.
In the middle of all of this, I caught myself saying how in Brasil I was living for each day. I only had so many months, weeks, days, hours with the people in Brasil. And I was sent on a Mission to lovingly serve these people in His name. I found myself living for each moment, each conversation. Yet here I am, back in my routine of stressing over the future...
God quickly reminded me of Matthew 6: 25-34:
**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**
Okay, so this was an extremely long entry, but the point was I had a lot of closure to get out here for each of you. I owe it to each of you a heartfelt Thank You because God's mission to use my life, all of my experiences, in the relationships built down in Brasil, would not have been made possible if it were not for you listening to Him as he requested the financial and spiritual support I needed. I want to thank each of you for following this amazing journey, for prayers, for all of the love poured out on me.
I came back with fresh eyes, like the blind man. His mission for my life did not stop in Brasil. (:
Obrigada por tudo! (Thank you for everything!)
Being home for six weeks now, I have had lots of opportunity to share the big things. I think its good if I write them down here too (though many/most of you have heard these same things many times...they just made such a heavy impact).
Many people have asked me what the most difficult part of my time living in Brasil was, and my answer is so much of it! The obvious things: brand new language, culture differences, digestion issues, exhaustion, temptation.
All of these things were difficult. But the stories, the stories are the meaty difficult things.
1. Let me begin with my money being stolen (to read this story, scroll to the bottom of the link). I went from feeling secure in at least one thing: my bank account. I mean, I had worked so hard to get all that support, fundraisers, letters, contacts.
This is just the beginning of why God opened my eyes.
I was secure in the money He provided, but not necessarily IN HIM.
It was Thursday that I found out that my money was all gone. By Sunday, I was being poked by the Holy Spirit to tithe the only 12$R ($6 US dollars) that I had, I sat there in church thinking, "What in the world, God! How could I give up the only money I have?? What will I possibly do?" and after listening to another worship song, during which I moved my money to my Bible...I continued to argue with God about it...finally saying, "Okay! Fine. It's yours." I tithed the only 12$R I had.
Monday morning, I remember that I had $20 US dollars left in one of my blue contribution envelopes. This was enough money for me to buy the groceries I needed for that week. And the next day, Tati told me the ministry would be loaning me some money to pay my rent and any additional expenses until the finances with my bank was figured out.
God's provision is so much greater than I can ever fathom.
He provided when I obeyed his commandment to love Him more than anything in this world, including my security in money.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
2. Where to start on this next one... Well, the challenge of leaving my family and close friends. The hardest times came around when my mom would drink and I would one way or another hear about it. The morning I read a text from my sister that said, "COME HOME NOW." I broke down in tears. Knowing that it wasn't my fault for my mom's seemingly peak of alcohol intake from once every week or two to every other night, but there was a correlation with me having just left to live in a dangerous country some thousands of miles away. I was scared. Scared for my sister who was hurting. Scared for my brothers, who also had to live with the embarrassing effects of the heavy alcohol use. And saddened that my mother, a woman I love so much, is feeling such a hurt, an ache, a throbbing pain, that she wants to numb it over and over again. And yet, here I am, so far away, with such an opportunity, with so much peace about being in Brasil for 3 months, and now feeling such agony for my loved ones.
The beautiful thing here, the Lord reminded me of His unfailing love and grace.
Despite how many times I mess up with 2 too many drinks in a night, or saying unloving words, or jealousy, or comparing myself, every single time God shows me His love and grace. How can I say I want to live for Him, yet not show those same things to those in my life? Including my enemies (the person who stole my money, or the bottle that damages relationships)?
It really set in with me that I am one of the only examples, if not the most prominent, in my family's life of who Jesus is/was and what a gracious God I live and work for not only in Brasil, but here at home too.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
3. I flew in to Portland on Tuesday the 25th where I was greeted by Heidi, her two sweet boys, Brennen and Cohen, and surprised by Miss Erin who was standing there with a sign asking me to be a part of her and Gabe's special wedding day next summer!
I then stayed up in the Molalla/Canby area until Friday, seeing family and catching myself back up to American culture, I guess. Friday I headed back down to Corvallis where I was greeted by my roommates and a thousand boxes and lots of luggage to be unpacked and organized. Overwhelmed was an understatement. That night I was able to spend time with all of my amazing supportive friends at the Corner House as I described what my trip was like, many of the same things I am talking about in here.
It was while I was home that the topic of graduate school came up, and I mentioned that I wanted to continue on for my Masters in Counseling. I really believe God is calling me to do work with families and for a while have seen graduate school as my only option. I had a mental breakdown, feeling like I came back knowing my next step but all of a sudden that wasn't so clear anymore.
Lord, what do you want me to do? Where do you want me to go? Why is this all so unclear all of a sudden?
For the past 5 years I have known basically what my next steps are going to be: after high school comes college, after summer 2011 came Brasil in December 2011, after Brasil 2011 came jumping through hoops and following the Lord's tug to go back for the summer of 2012...came back thinking I graduate in June 2013, then graduate school, so I will have like 2-3 more years before the real big world to figure the rest out, right??
Wrong.
Hold up.
*ring ring*
God calling.
"Hi Lacey."
"...Hi God. What do you want me to do here? I have drive, I know you have given me opportunities and resiliency and a heart to serve. But now my heart is torn, I'm worried about money and what all those graduate loans could do to my future family, about my 22 year old car dying soon, about moving, about all the applications and papers and such due in a couple months...God, give me an answer, PLEASE!"
"Lacey. Stop it. Here is my answer: Slow. Down."
"Oh."
So here I am, after meeting with a retired professor at PSU and a career counselor from OSU, I have made a confident decision to hold off on graduate school applications for a year.
In the middle of all of this, I caught myself saying how in Brasil I was living for each day. I only had so many months, weeks, days, hours with the people in Brasil. And I was sent on a Mission to lovingly serve these people in His name. I found myself living for each moment, each conversation. Yet here I am, back in my routine of stressing over the future...
God quickly reminded me of Matthew 6: 25-34:
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?Wow. Never ceases to amaze me how much comfort those words speak to my heart.
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**
Okay, so this was an extremely long entry, but the point was I had a lot of closure to get out here for each of you. I owe it to each of you a heartfelt Thank You because God's mission to use my life, all of my experiences, in the relationships built down in Brasil, would not have been made possible if it were not for you listening to Him as he requested the financial and spiritual support I needed. I want to thank each of you for following this amazing journey, for prayers, for all of the love poured out on me.
I came back with fresh eyes, like the blind man. His mission for my life did not stop in Brasil. (:
Obrigada por tudo! (Thank you for everything!)
